Did you know English muffins never go moldy if you leave them in the fridge? There’s been a pack in my office fridge since last year. They still look brand new. 

Ew.

So if they’re that preservative laden, you would expect the people who eat them would be well preserved too. Which brings me to a few questions in science:

1). Why can’t preservatives be added to skin care products that would in turn preserve our skin?

2). If the pill tricks your body and keeps you from ovulating, why do you still run out of eggs and go through menopause? 
     2a). Wouldn’t the pill prolong the the egg release (forgive the term) period in your life?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it just don’t work that way, but you gotta admit it makes sense. Limited number of eggs in your lifetime. If you don’t use what you’ve got, those leftovers should still be good..right?

So now somebody explain why when you multiply two negative numbers you wind up with something positive. My bank sure doesn’t work that way.