Lost: My Crunchy Brown Heavenly Reward

It’s all JD’s fault. He said I should reward myself for completing my manuscript. You know I hate that word, it sounds so  arty-farty and snobby. It’s something Thurston Howell the III would say with his jaw-jutting Yacht club intonation. “Lovey, have you seen my manuscript?”  Anyhow, I waffle…back to the reward. 

It’s a simple thing really. In fact, I had ONE hidden in a Tupperwear container in the wardrobe. It was left over from the Christmas stash JJ sent me. The problem is there was merely one. I consumed it and now. It is gone and it was not enough. I cannot get more unless I pay $86 for shipping. Yes, $86 for shipping  a 2 pound box of snack treats directly from good ol’ Pennsylvania .

You see, I’m very basic when it comes to a reward. Like the Budman, I’ll perform for food. I’m happy with food. Freud (and Shinky-dink) would be so proud.

In lieu of an instant publishing contract, I want a $2.79 box of pretzels available at most supermarkets and convenience stores in the USA.  

Really. They’d take off here. Supermarkets would make a fortune on these fat-free beauties. They’re really baked, not fried. There’s no oil in that at all. They’re 100 calories a big fat crucnhy treat! I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t like them. 

Later, like in 2 weeks, when I get that publishing contract, I’m gonna ship these babies in. Yessireebetty, I’ll take my 8% royalty cut, which, after the agent takes a bit and the publisher gets the big dividend, should be just about $86, and blow it all on Sourdough pretzels!

Hmm… maybe I better get to whilting down the word count of A Basic Renovation and start sending out my query letters…

Meanwhile, I have no shame to admit I licked my fingers and picked up all the pulverised pretzel crumbs in the bottom of the Tupperwear container.

4 thoughts on “Lost: My Crunchy Brown Heavenly Reward

  1. $86 bucks of heaven

    So would it cost that much for me to send them to you, or is that a “from the manufacturer” fee? I’ll do it. Along with some packets of grape kool aid. Groovy??

    KHWP

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  2. Re: Heavenly Crunch

    At first I thought you meant peanut butter … then I realised my mistake and now I wish I had brought back more than one box last year.

    I know I can’t eat them, but I would sign a petition to get Coles or Woolies to import them for you! I would!!

    And you could put Solomon’s name down too.

    Elle

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  3. Stop Press

    I apologize for my error..Snyder’s of Hanover are currently not associated with Snyder’s of Berlin… But they both make pretty good snacks..

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  4. Well Done Lovey

    Ah yes Snyder’s of Berlin… They make a good thin sliced potato chip too… You are blessed that you can open your cupboard and stumble upon such luxuries… $86.00 for 2 pound !!! Your doing well…If I was 10 years younger a kilo of ‘reward’ would cost a few grand and someone called Juan Carlo Mendez would have to ship it to me from Columbia in a clandestine manner 🙂

    Like

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