It’s all JD’s fault. He said I should reward myself for completing my manuscript. You know I hate that word, it sounds so arty-farty and snobby. It’s something Thurston Howell the III would say with his jaw-jutting Yacht club intonation. “Lovey, have you seen my manuscript?” Anyhow, I waffle…back to the reward.
It’s a simple thing really. In fact, I had ONE hidden in a Tupperwear container in the wardrobe. It was left over from the Christmas stash JJ sent me. The problem is there was merely one. I consumed it and now. It is gone and it was not enough. I cannot get more unless I pay $86 for shipping. Yes, $86 for shipping a 2 pound box of snack treats directly from good ol’ Pennsylvania .
You see, I’m very basic when it comes to a reward. Like the Budman, I’ll perform for food. I’m happy with food. Freud (and Shinky-dink) would be so proud.
In lieu of an instant publishing contract, I want a $2.79 box of pretzels available at most supermarkets and convenience stores in the USA.
Really. They’d take off here. Supermarkets would make a fortune on these fat-free beauties. They’re really baked, not fried. There’s no oil in that at all. They’re 100 calories a big fat crucnhy treat! I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t like them.
Later, like in 2 weeks, when I get that publishing contract, I’m gonna ship these babies in. Yessireebetty, I’ll take my 8% royalty cut, which, after the agent takes a bit and the publisher gets the big dividend, should be just about $86, and blow it all on Sourdough pretzels!
Hmm… maybe I better get to whilting down the word count of A Basic Renovation and start sending out my query letters…
Meanwhile, I have no shame to admit I licked my fingers and picked up all the pulverised pretzel crumbs in the bottom of the Tupperwear container.
4 thoughts on “Lost: My Crunchy Brown Heavenly Reward”
$86 bucks of heaven
So would it cost that much for me to send them to you, or is that a “from the manufacturer” fee? I’ll do it. Along with some packets of grape kool aid. Groovy??
Re: Heavenly Crunch
At first I thought you meant peanut butter … then I realised my mistake and now I wish I had brought back more than one box last year.
I know I can’t eat them, but I would sign a petition to get Coles or Woolies to import them for you! I would!!
And you could put Solomon’s name down too.
I apologize for my error..Snyder’s of Hanover are currently not associated with Snyder’s of Berlin… But they both make pretty good snacks..
Well Done Lovey
Ah yes Snyder’s of Berlin… They make a good thin sliced potato chip too… You are blessed that you can open your cupboard and stumble upon such luxuries… $86.00 for 2 pound !!! Your doing well…If I was 10 years younger a kilo of ‘reward’ would cost a few grand and someone called Juan Carlo Mendez would have to ship it to me from Columbia in a clandestine manner 🙂