Eau de Ersatz

Hello to all my fellow fakers and imposters! I am a charlatan. Who did I think I was kidding with the post graduate study crap? Ahahahahahaha! What? Me write a thesis, a believable piece of research that’s going to be bound and stored on ERIC documents in some clearing house? Me?

Those of you who were at university with me remember how I was.

The learning? Sure that was fun. The endless cups of iced coffee BF introduced me to and made certain I developed an addition to the Oasis–yup, that was great too. There were all the college bands and the insomniac nights, days that started at 10am,  egg salad sandwiches from the dining hall, late night pizza and Dr Barstad. Getting asked out by REM and stalking Glenn for the famous photo KHWP took that led to the fruition of my fantasy…oh yeah mama, that was what college was all about. The studying stuff? The research papers?  BWAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, all right. I did those too. I was one of those annoying people who finished an assignment a month to a week before it was due. But this is different. I’ve got to make an oral presentation and I’m supposed to be impressive. How can I be impressive when it’s clear my research, my argument won’t hold water? Besides that, does anyone care if Romance novels don’t have older aged heroines? Is my weenie little study and novel going to change anything? Will Publishers change anything?

Not as long as you’ve got (here’s where I shoot myself in the foot forever by naming names) Megan Records, an Editor with Kensington Books, states in The Romance Writers Report 28, 3, “It’s a nice idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn’t sell well. Simply put, blood pressure medications and Viagra aren’t sexy.”

Well duuuh. 

But we’re talking ROMANCE and she’s talking about erectile dysfunction and beta-blockers.  If it’s a romance, why on earth would you focus on all that ? And who  says that’s what middle aged (or older) readers want to read about with their age appropriate heroines. Regardless if the Hero and Heroine are GenXers moving into their 40,’s  or Boomers in their 60’s, (FYI, Boomers include babies born up to 1964 and forty-four is not old) there’s more to identify in a romance than the health related issues.  Megan was referring to Boomers specifically, but some how she forgot the primary focus in a Romance is supposed to be the love story.  Does love and the need for romance die simply because your noodle is limp or your cholesterol is too high? At 55, a  first kiss is still a first kiss. It’s still exciting and makes your toes curl even when you’re 65–just ask my friend G.

Wake up Megan!! You’ve got an audience, you’ve got a swelling, aging population hungry for characters they can identify with. TV shows and magazines realise this. When will you? As the Whos say to Horton, “We are here!

All that aside, I really should thank Megan Records. While she won’t be interested in my book (Oh, just  wait ’til she gets my query letter), she’s given me fodder for my research..and of course all of you know today’s rant was just me trying to kick my ass into thesis writing.

And what have I written today?

Well, you see, I’m a really excellent faker.

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