I’m a sucker for romance. Romance is timeless–space and timeless, that is.
I love engagement parties, bridal showers, weddings and honeymoons, and I have great respect for those who plan their fairytale fantasy wedding—this includes the folks who have the Klingon-themed nuptial-mass and those who say their vows while bungee jumping.
Oh all right. Maybe I’m telling a big fat one there about the Klingon wedding, but who am I to judge? Oldbitey walked down the aisle to ELO’s Do Ya. (come on, they’re the Electric Light Orchestra!) and my wedding photos have me perched on the edge of an old English Sports car. Not what you’d call Star Trek memorable. A Triumph Herald isn’t quite the bridge of the starship Enterprise, but it’s pretty cheesy just the same.
Katie-Sue is getting married. Her lovely sisters suggested a Vegas-style wedding dress for her. One can take that to mean a dress like this one, which comes from The House of Winnie. And that’s Winnie, not whinny. Nor is it, as I first thought, Haus von Skank, it’s Casa La Winnie, who clearly is THE Dressmaker to the Skanks, Ho’s, and your basic tramps who want to impress all the right people (for more on tacky weddings, visit tackyweddings.com) on the high-class, social circle, street corner down in The Valley.
Having slightly better, less skanky taste than her evil sisters, I suggested a woolen dress. So what if it looks like a giant hand-knit-by-grandma-condom? It’s ribbed, you know, "for her pleasure."
Of course it’s joke, and needless to say Katie-Sue has chosen something lovely for herself and her bridesmaids, but this joking ‘round has led to me to wonder about wedding planners who handle Vampire, Zombie, and White-trash style weddings.
Sure there’ve been heaps of romantic comedies about weddings My Best Friend’s Wedding, The Wedding Planner, Made of Honor, 27 Dresses, and there’s even a sub-subgenre in romance—Bride Lit—which means this is a ready-made-cherry sitting on top of a huge comedic sundae situation with sprinkles made of James T. Kirk and tiny Worfs.
Admittedly, since I am a geek, you all know I could take this way-out wedding thing pretty far. Oh the idea is brewing away. I can see a tower of beer cans, and a cake that resembles roadkill—or Deep Space Nine.
Set phasers to impress!
One thought on “For all your Brides out there…”
CMT has a great show hosted by Tom Arnold called My Big Redneck Wedding, which exposes some of the best, insanely hokey, but real backwoods nuptials. Mud bogging, greased pig rasslin’ in the wedding dress, proposals of marriage spelled out in beer piss in the pickup truck’s headlights on county road 653, camo bridesmaids dresses, lost teeth, I could go on and on… Truly a gem of american television…