Have you seen the "news" story? Apparently, President Obama wears Mom jeans.
Yes, that’s right, The US Commander-in-Chief threw out the first pitch at a Chicago White Sox baseball game (which we all know is THE Fashion Event of the US Summer Season), and he did it wearing a pair of classic, figure-unflattering, buy-em’-at-JC Penny-specials.
No offense to JCP. They’re a fine store with a long history of outfitting a young Olbitey, although Sears had that Husky range that fit my chubby years…but I digress. We all know good jeans are hard to find (as are good genes). Any woman will tell you Denim is Satan’s fabric. Apparently this also the case for men.
And now I bet you’re wondering how I’m going to tie all this in to writing a novel. As They Might Be Giants say, hang on hang on on tight. Outfitting your characters is tricky. Yes, they are imaginary, but you don’t want to put the hero in a pair of Obama Jeans, unless you’re writing some kind of geek to-uber-hero-transformation. I use clothing catalogues as a guideline, Eddie Bauer, for instance. Before you cast that stone at my pretend glass house, have you seen the guys in the EB catalogues? They’re outdoorsy every-dudes instead of sculpted pretty-boys. Important when you shun writing muscled-up Alpha hero-types.
Eddie Bauer, an outdoor outfitter, uses cool words like "broken-in" and "well-worn" and has manly colours guys can imagine like navy, brown, flag, and olive. Oh, all right, they also use periwinkle, nectar, and clover, but the guy in the light- cactus shirt on page 136 of the Summer 2009 catalogue is…. I digress yet again. forgive me. As I was saying…I put my heros in clothes I think are as down- to earth as they are. They could dress better sometimes. They could re-think wearing suede shoes or get rid of that soft-as-a-snowflake Skid Row concert t-shirt they’ve had since 1984.
And Obama could have worn different pants at the baseball game. He could have worn shorts, like the Heritage Cargo shorts on page 133, but he has better things to do than be a fashion icon. He’s The Prez, he’s got a huge mess to clean up, and in my book (not the one I’m writing) he can wear a freakin’ comfy pair of pants if he wants to.
As for me, I want to keep a sense of realism in my romantic fantasy, so I choose Eddie’s assistance. Eddie’s my imaginary man stylist. I choose the Eddie Bauer catalogue because the trousers inside are definitely NOT Mom Jeans and Satan does not make an appearance on any page. And that should please religious leaders and Fashionistas everywhere.