There are two of them and they’re both

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über annoying.

It’s a challenge, you know, to come up with fresh and nice replies, especially when the answer causes the questioner’s countenance to shift ever so slightly, but clearly enough for me to see the like that’s real fiction thought that’s quickly followed by the you must suck flicker.

You want to know what goes through my mind when I see that dissmissal in your eyes? Do you really?

OK. You asked for it.

First there’s: "Tell me something, dick-knuckle, If you think romance fiction isn’t real fiction, is it therefore fake? Because you know I know a lot about fake."

And then there’s: "Have you ever written anything, fartwad?"

Oh, wait. I suppose y’all wanna know what the questions are. Fair enough because I wanna know which one you think is more offensive. Remember to bear in mind the "look" that these inquiries elicit.

a) What sort of novels do you write?
or
b) Are you published yet?

Really. I AM interested in what you think and even more interested in any suggestions you can give to me as to how I can answer these questions without whipping out my atomic bitch.