An Open Letter to An Anti-celebrity Celebrity, A Celebrity, and Y’all

Dear Toby Stephens,

Please be in more comedies. You are quite funny and have cracking comedic timing. If you are lacking comedy screenplays, I have one that would suit you. I’ve written it. OK, so, it’s not exactly a screenplay, it’s a novel, but it could be adapted as a screenplay. It’s an unconventional story and would win us both  laughs, awards, and stuff.

I’ve intrigued you with the ‘and stuff’ part, haven’t I?

Love, your pal,

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Oldbitey ~~~~~

 

Dear Bitey-ites,

I do not expect an answer, from Mr Stephens, but you know I know dreams, as goofy-arsed as they are, do come true. I had that big fat ridiculous dream where I pulled an Emma Thompson and won an Oscar for Best Sceenplay and Best Actress. I thanked Toby for his talent, generosity and making me look so damn good. Yes. Yes! I know it was a dream, but please, recall if you will my Glenn Tilbrook fantasy-come-true moment of 2007–Jeepers was it three years ago that I stood on stage (albeit a tiny one) and sang Genitalia of A Fool with GT– was also dream, a big fat ridiculous goofy-arsed dream, and it came to fruition. So who’s to say what will happen with Mr Stephens? We know, that is, you, Glenn, and I know we’ll do another duet (if he ever comes back here again). How dreamy is that?

Love, your pal,

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Oldbitey

And on that note…

Dear Glenn Tilbrook,

Please, when you are done with your Japan leg of the Love Hope & Strength tour, come back here. Oz misses you and I am primed to step beside you again and croon.

Maybe we could do Lost In Space this time? Although I’m not averse to doing a Squeeze song, such as Messed Around if you prefer. Come on. You know you want to. I sing well and I’m cute and stuff.

Or so I’ve been told.

Love, your pal,

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Oldbitey

 

 

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