We’re two weeks into this phobia series, which was kicked off by the 75 days leading up to the release of my romantic smartass comedy Driving in Neutral, a love story about claustrophobia. In these last 14 days, a few authors have dropped by to confess to all sorts of phobias, from arachnophobia to a fear of escalators. Before you join in to find out the phobias guests have confessed to, let me introduce myself and my rather intrusive anxiety.
Hi, I’m Sandra and I’m a compulsive cleaner.
I like aprons, and spray bottles filled with white vinegar, shiny, spotless stainless steel appliances, pristine surfaces, perfectly made beds with hospital corners, freshly vacuumed carpets, sparkling toilet bowls…
There’s just this one thing… For the last two weeks I have been unable to clean my house. Oh, I could tidy things, keep things neat and orderly, but thanks to a visit from the exterminator to rid our subtropical home of crawly things that can kill or main—and by crawly thing that can kill or maim I mean spiders that can kill or maim—I have been unable to wash my polished wood floors. I was informed that, for “optimal killing power”, I would need to leave my floors alone for two whole weeks. So I did.
And in the last two whole weeks creatures have grown.
Creatures Have Grown, kids.
These creatures roll across the floor. These creatures hide under beds. These creatures swirl into corners. These creatures multiply at an alarming rate. Worst of all, these vile little corner-swirling, hiding buggers fill me with horror.
I just know these little dusty suckers are going to smother me as I sleep.